A night of comfort
by Dance-SasuNaru-Dance
Summary: Fenris comes to see Hawke after the loss of his mother


Fenris looked at the door in front of him. It was late at night and only the light from the torches on the wall made it possible to see the crest hanging over the mansion door. The elf had been standing indecisively in front of the house for quite some time. Should he knock or just go in? Hawke had said on more than one occasion that he wished Fenris would feel more at home at the estate but now was a delicate time so it might be best to step lightly. In the end, he didn't have to decide as the door opened and Bodahn came into view. When he saw Fenris he quickly opened the door and moved aside to let the elf in.

"I'm so glad to see you here serrah, I was just about to run out to fetch you" the dwarf said unusually quiet as he leads Fenris through the entrance hall and into the main room. The elf couldn't help but wrinkle his nose at being addressed so formally but he had long since given up on getting the dwarf to drop the formalities. Fenris took notice that Sandal stood in his usual corner of the room, but instead of starring into thin air like usual his eyes were fixed on the top of the balcony, undoubtedly right where Hawke's room could be found. Orana was fiddling around the fireplace but when she saw him she curtsied deeply and Fenris just nodded to her not knowing what else to do. The silence was almost deafening and when the wood in the fireplace gave a huge crack they all made a small jump and Orana scattered about trying to quiet the fire without making more noise. Fenris turned back to Bodahn and the dwarf just gestured towards the stairs and it was clear that the elf had to go the rest of the way alone. So, after a deep breath he walked past Hawke's trusty mabari who had left his usual spot by the fire to lie uneasily by the end of the staircase. When the elf approached, the dog sat up and Fenris let his hand rest on its head for just a second before he walked upstairs. It was quite surprising to find the door to Hawke's room open, and when Fenris entered he quickly noticed that Hawke was sitting on his bed in more relaxed garment and his armor was tossed randomly on the floor. It was somewhat pleasing that the man had at least taken the time to shed his armor, but the clear bloodstains did little for the mood. Fenris looked to the man he both loved and admired only to realize that Hawke hadn't taken any notice of his at all.

"I don't know what to say but I am here" Fenris said as he shifted nervously. Perhaps seeing the elf would only hurt Hawke more considering what had happened last time they had been alone together. Hawke turned to the elf in surprise which quickly turned to pain and the human looked down once more.

"Just say something… anything" there was almost a desperate tone to it and not knowing what else to do Fenris quickly stepped closer.

"They say death is only a journey… does that help?" Fenris felt like biting his own tongue off. The man he loved was in desperate need of comfort and support yet he had no idea how to provide it and on top of that he sounded utterly ridiculous.

"It just raises questions. Journey to where?" Hawke said and some of the old Hawke seemed to slip out with it, so Fenris decided to take a seat next to the human. Hawke might have tried to act like his old self but Fenris knew that he was hurting too much and after all Hawke's hardship he shouldn't have to act like he was alright.

"I don't know. It's just something people say" Fenris said before Hawke could turn the conversation on something else to bury the pain. "To be honest, I don't think there is much point in filling these moments with empty talk" the elf admitted and it seemed to be enough because Hawke looked up at him and they just sat for a moment before Hawke started leaning in. Fenris was unsure of what the other wanted. He didn't want to risk their already strained relationship with leading Hawke on but to push him away down would be his undoing, but Hawke just brought his arms around Fenris slowly as if testing to see how far he could push it and then leaned backwards bringing Fenris down on top of him.

To Fenris it resulted in some rather awkward moments of shifting before they settled down. Fenris was now cuddled up to Hawke's side with his head reaction on the human's shoulder. One arm squeezed in between them and the other draped across his lover's chest. Hawkes was lying on a pillow and had one arm wrapped tightly around Fenris' waist while the other was slowly stroking Fenris' shoulder and arm.

Even though Hawke was the one hurting Fenris couldn't help but feel like he was the one being comforted rather than providing it, but perhaps this was something Hawke needed. The human had always had someone to look after, someone to protect, care for, worry about or comfort so this might create the illusion of control that Hawke needed to see this night though, something to give him a reason to stay strong. Without thinking about it Fenris started drawing random patters over Hawke's chest. He remembered Donnic mentioned how he loved it when Aveline did this to him after one of their usual night of gaming. Fenris didn't know if it helped or broke Hawke, because not long after Fenris felt the hold tighten and he briefly wondered if his skin would burse from the strong hold on his shoulder. He felt his hair started becoming damp from wetness and the way Hawke's stomach would violently contract as his chest rose and fell rapidly was not to be mistaken for anything but the facts. The hot breath from exhales on his neck sent shivers down Fenris' back, yet he remained unmoving from Hawke's side and continued his soft touches. Now he regretted not removing his own armor before coming here. As Hawke broke under the sorrow of his loss Fenris looked for anything to say that might bring any kind of comfort to the human. It was unsettling for the elf to witness a strong man like Hawke so vulnerable, but anything that come to mind was disregarded just as quickly as he thought it up. There really was no point in empty talk. The grip on Fenris' shoulder soon started to become weak and Hawke's breath evened out. The human cleared his throat for a moment before moving to sit up. Fenris pulled himself up on one arm and Hawke quickly moved out from under him. Hawke turned his back to the elf most likely to hide how awful he looked.

"Right. I'm sure you're a busy guy, I wont hold you up but thanks for coming" Hawke said as casually as possible but Fenris could clearly hear the sadness and fear in his voice. Fenris was unsure of what to do for the first time in a long while. It had always been clear to him that he should keep as much distance physically and more importantly emotionally but he couldn't find It in him to abandon Hawke when he so clearly needed someone. The elf remained half lying on the bed for just a moment before making up his mind.

"I have no other place to be before morning" Fenris said and Hawke turned back with wide eyes clearly not expecting that answer, so to show he was sincere Fenris removed his gauntlets and chest plate and let them fall somewhere on the floor behind him. The elf returned to lying down and Hawke quickly did the same and wrapped his arms around the other. They both knew that once the sun rose everything would change again but for tonight they both had what they wanted, for just a moment anyway.


End file.
